Besieged Biotech Firm Braintune Recalls All Chips

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November 10, 2017

In the wake of escalating scandal and claims by the rogue hacker group 4freemachines that it has succeeded in hacking Braintune’s neocortical implant and subverting their much-vaunted Tuning Test, the beleaguered company issued a recall of the chips that leave Braintune’s future in doubt. The terse statement appeared this afternoon on the Braintune website, indicating that the company’s patented Tuning Test is not effective in regulating the chip. Dr. Lily Miller, the company’s CEO and founder, has not been seen publicly since the recall. We will update this story as additional information becomes available.

The full Braintune statement is below. We are reproducing it here because it seems that their site has been hacked.

BRAINTUNE IMPLANT SAFETY RECALL EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY

November 10, 2017

We regret to announce that all Braintune products are being recalled immediately. Customers must proceed to the nearest Braintune site to have their chips recalibrated or removed. Braintune teams will be going door to door to ensure compliance.
While we are confident in the efficacy and safety of our product, we remind all customers that their chip remains Braintune property and thus can be retrieved at will by the company. This recall is merely a precaution.
Dr. Lily Miller has temporarily stepped aside from daily operations in order to ensure an unbiased investigation. However, there is no cause for concern.